Sunday, August 10, 2014

'Ello Gov'nor

Hello Interwebs!

This has to be roughly my fifteenth blog. Not because I have so much to say, it's overflowing into several different arenas. No. Because like a journal from my youth, once I have been "gone" a while, I don't like to pick up where I left off. I like to completely start over, anew. This concept speaks volumes. VOLUMES.

I am someone who loves the idea of starting over. Fresh slate. New day. Needless to say, I LOVE New Year's Eve. There is something empowering and liberating about setting a deadline to stop all my sins and begin good habits. Fast forward approximately 12 days and you'll find me face down in an empty pizza box with wine breath, wearing my "fat pants." But, alas, I've gotten ahead of myself.

Let me be clear, while that previous statement certainly indicates I have, at the very least, what we now call "food issues" (read: full blown eating disorder), this is not a fitness blog or a weight loss blog. You will not find before of after pictures or healthy recipes on here. Not that I have anything against those blogs, hell I follow SEVERAL of those kinds of blogs. And I've written SEVERAL of those kinds of blogs. Then I get bored or distracted by this little nuisance called Life. She is a mean bitch, sometimes. I suspect she is already plotting how to distract me from this very blog I am starting...sneaky jerk.

No, this blog is a place to share my amusing quips on that mean bitch I call Life. As well as insights and inspirations, poems inspired by her tragedy, stories inspired by her comedy, and you can expect a rant in here, now and again. Nothing overtly political, mind you. I am so in my own head that I can't stomach keeping up-to-date on local or international news. I used to. All the time. Then, I started working in one of the most depressed cities in the nation and my commutes to and fro, listening to the news stations, became so overwhelming I had to fight the urge to steer my car into the guardrail. So I traded in NPR News for hilariously inappropriate comedy podcasts and have never looked back! (Throwing Shade, The Read, I Seem Fun: The Diary of Jen Kirkman)

Ok, now onto my second favorite thing in the world (the first being talking/writing about myself, clearly): LISTS!

What To Expect From My Blog:
Fun and Fun-ness (and any other word with "fun" in it...except fundamentalism. And probably dozens of others...)
Comic relief on serious subjects I know about firsthand (mental illness, body image, sexism, sexual identity, relationships)
Seriousness on serious subjects I previously and subsequently wrote about comically (see list of topics above)
Outdated references to trends that I just learned about and have become obsessed with (see image below)

What NOT To Expect From My Blog:
Too much of any one thing in particular
Animated memes...I have not a clue how to do that...
Perfect grammar (Grammar police, I DO know the difference between your and you're)
Commentary on current news (see Paragraph 4)
Commentary on "hot topics" on the regular
Knee-jerk political correctness (clearly)

I am happy to be here, in the Blogosphere, once again. I hope you are happy to be on this ride with me. I shall leave you with a statement I sent to a select few this week. This is a true story. Thank you and see you soon!

"I just ate pita chips and Oreos for dinner and then googled 'Why is my hair falling out?' WINNING!"


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